Why I started this blog and my 1st month on bedrest

I decided to write this blog not because I wanted to document my not so perfect pregnancy but because I want to remember that through all the tough moments we were strong.  

The past month since the surgery has been really good for the most part. My grandma has taken over the house and does all the cleaning and cooking. She keeps me company and makes me really good food.  I’m so grateful for her sacrifice to be here away from her friends and the rest of her family.  I love our talks and the way she tries to keep my spirits lifted.  Chad has also been so supportive; he has taken care of me, the house, the finances, and our dog Scruffy.  

Being on bed rest is very frustrating to say the least.  At the beginning it was really nice to just relax in bed and watch a movie or surf the Internet for cute baby things.  However, as the days pass everything becomes less and less entertaining.  I tried coloring, word searches, cross- stitch, brushing up on my French and even creating a mobile for the baby.  These are great however none of that will entertain you once the rut comes along. I think doctors are right it is so easy for women to get depressed while on bed rest because once you reach the rut it is very hard to pull your self out.  Mine happened last week I didn't want to do anything. I would literally look out my window and just stare.  It was scary!!! When Chad came home he could see it.  I explained to him the best I could and he said its okay. He was right it’s normal to feel low.  Especially for someone like me who was used to doing everything for myself, having such busy day and not really having a moment to breath.  So I allowed myself to have a bad day.  The next day I made sure I did something that would occupy my time.  That is another reason why I wanted to write this blog, every month I scheduled time to update it and remind myself that I was strong and that I am one month closer to meeting our baby boy.

June 20, 2014- Anatomy Scan and Scary moment #2

It was the Friday before our Costa Rica vacation. We were so excited to see our baby and start our week long vacation. Well that’s what we thought at least.  The Anatomy started great our baby was growing perfectly and it was so cool to see how much he had grown.  When it came time to check my cervix she started to ask me questions. I knew something was wrong.  Suddenly she said I have to go get the doctor. She literally ran out of the room.  Chad and I looked at each other and he said, " Don't stress out lets just wait and see what they say first."  The doctor came back about 10 minutes later. He explained that my cervix had dialed 1/3 of the way.  It was scary because I did not really understand it.  Once he said if I was to deliver at 19 weeks the baby would not survive.  I cant even express how scary those words were to me. However, I stayed as calm as I could possibly be and listen to his plan of attack.  It included canceling our trip, staying on complete bed rest, 3 different medications, and a visit with the high-risk doctor on Monday.  I drove to the office had a mini meltdown then was on my way home when I started calling my grandma and parents.  Listening to myself explain what had just happened was crazy I was very calm.  I am so grateful for the peace I felt it allowed me to get home safe, I know it was the Holy Ghost.  Once I got home I remember thinking I can’t believe this is happening.  I was thankful that they had found this out before I would have delivered our baby in Costa Rica.  All I kept thinking was please let our child be safe!

Monday Morning-

We had another anatomy scan which took 45 minutes!!! I was happy to get a second opinion but all I really wanted to know was if my cervix was going to keep him in.  When it came time to measure my cervix she turns to me and tells me "I can’t measure it, there is nothing left to measure." I just closed my eyes and took a deep breath.  After moving the scope around she was able to measure 3 millimeters. Your cervix is supposed to measure 3 centimeters on Friday mine had measured 2 centimeters and on Monday 3 millimeters.  We were in shock!!! How did this happen so fast!!! She left to go get the doctor.  After the doctor did an internal exam, he stood up and said " You are having surgery today at 6pm, and I want you at the hospital at 3pm."  He explained the surgery and told me to try and not move too much and to not eat or drink anything.  

Monday Afternoon-

We arrived at Labor and Delivery and were taken to a room right away. I changed into a gown and waited for the nurses to start my IV and take some blood.  I was so relieved when Chad's Aunt Lulu came walking through the door; it was so nice to have her there.  She watched the nurses and asked all the right questions. Leaving that room as Chad, Tina, and Lulu looked at me was so scary.  Walking down the hall and into that operating room had me in such a panic.  The epidural didn't really hurt it was more uncomfortable.

The surgery went really well.  I felt no pain the whole time and was really excited to be back in my room with familiar faces.  We left the hospital at around midnight.  

May 24, 2014- Gender Reveal!!!

We are having a baby boy!!!  I was really shocked; in the beginning I had a feeling that it was going to be a boy. But everyone around me thought it was going to be a girl so I started to think it was going to be a girl.  After the initial shock we could not have been happier with our baby boy.  After our appointment we went to Babies r us and bought his very first outfit.

May 5, 2014- Chad's Grandmother, our Nana passed away.

A couple of week’s earlier Chad had visited Nana in the hospital specifically to tell her that we were having a baby.  She was so excited and happy for us!!!  On Easter we went to visit her together and I remember the first thing she said to me when she saw me was "Congratulation Sweetie." 

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When Chad came home that night I knew what had happened but hearing him say it out loud was like getting punched in the throat.  All I could do was hold him.  I didn't say anything I just held him.  I desperately wanted there to be some magical words that would lessen his pain. I knew that there was nothing I could say, nothing I could do to make him feel any better.  He just looked at Tina (my grandmother came into town to take care of me) and I.  I will never forget the look of sadness and pain he had in his eyes.  

Being on bed rest was not going to stop me from going to any of her services.  I wanted to be there, I wanted to hold Chad's hand and just be there.  It was a difficult experience, very emotional, but at the same time so beautiful the chapel was filled of people who loved and cared so much about her. The display of roses and flower was breath taking.  During the eulogy I could not help and think about the things she would not physically be there for: the birth of our baby, his blessing, his first thanksgiving, his first Christmas, his first fishing/camping trip. So many of the stories I had heard from Chad I wanted our baby to experience with her as well. On this day the greatest peace I think we all had was knowing that Families could be together Forever.

April 29, 2014- Scary Moment #1!!!

I remember going to bed after a long day and being so excited to get to sleep.  After what seemed like only 10 minutes later I woke up in a panic I felt like I had peed in our bed. All I could think was Chad is going to kill me!! When we finally turned the light on an even bigger panic began it was not pee but blood.  I don't think that up to this point in my life I had ever been so scared.  We quickly had a complete freak out moment but then jumped into action. I had started having some cramps (which only made me think about the worst possible outcome even more) so Chad helped me clean myself up and get dressed. We got in the car and started making our way to Summerlin Hospital.  The whole ride there we just held hands and cried.  It was such a raw and helpless feeling that we didn't even know what to say to each other.  Once arriving and checking in we waited about an hour before we were taken back. In the moment we felt so weak but looking back I think of it as one of the points where we were the strongest. I love my husband for holding my hand and telling me I was doing a great job. After being hooked up to the machines and an IV, the ultrasound tech came to wheel me away.  Leaving Chad there was horrible!!! While I lied there in complete silence as she looked at her screen, my mind kept racing and I finally asked "Is everything okay?" to which she answered "I cannot say anything about what I see". So I just laid back and waited for it to be over.  After she took me back to my room Chad looked at me and wanted answers, all I could tell him was that she didn't tell me anything.  The doctor came in a few minutes later and said that everything with the baby was okay.  I didn't hear nor did I care about anything else he had to say OUR BABY WAS okay and that’s all that mattered.  We went home and slept. I was on bed rest till Friday when I saw my OBGYN and he placed me on modified bed rest for two more weeks. 

We are having a BABY!!!!

All my life all I have ever wanted was to be a mom. So you can imagine the joy I felt on March 12, 2014 when we found out we were Pregnant.  It was the happiest day of our lives! The first two weeks after our amazing news were great. We went to our first appointment and our first ultrasound.  

Then the "real" joys of pregnancy started!!! I had the worst morning sickness imaginable.  I could not smell, taste, or even look at some foods.  Mango, pineapple, strawberries, and crackers were pretty much the only things I could eat.  In the first two months of my pregnancy I lost 13 pounds. I felt so yucky all the time. I stopped doing my makeup and even caring what I wore everyday to work.  All I did was compare myself to every other pregnant person I knew. How come they looked and felt great and I felt so crappy.